Confessions of a future faker
I have a confession to make. I am future faker. When I meet a guy I rush ahead and start organizing the future andforget everything that is happening right there and then. When the happy ending I had not anticipated does not materialize, I beat myself up, I try to manipulate the guy to fit in my garden of Eden and when all fails I run, I disappear , I go into hiding. I’m too chicken to face the truth.
According to Baggage Reclaim website a future faker is someone who paints a perfect picture in the future in order to gain something right now.
There are various forms of future faking. Every new relationship is ushered in with chemistry, passion, fear and insecurities a like. Depending on the reason to get into a new relationship someone may come into the relationship with very high intensity or pressure and rush through the motions. In my case I am determined to attain a certain goal whether it’s long term or short term so I tell myself all these fabulous stories to get me to my target even if it means neglecting my intuition or ignoring the red flags. In some cases, a person will hang onto a dead relationship hoping it will turn out well in the end. Lastly, there is a level of future faking when you’re an addict who makes people to invest in you emotionally and financially with a promise of being a better person.
The worst bit about future faking is that the future never materializes. You always seem to be chasing a vapour and disappointment increases by day. When the future you had envisioned does not come or the red lights you had ignored come to haunt you feel useless, an idiot, a retard and worst of all you cry. There are times you go and chase the guy and demand for him to fulfill his promises only for him to turn around and tell you that you got it all wrong and you were living in a bubble.
You know you’ve been trapped in a future fakers arms when you hear phrases of having babies, moving in, going on a safari when you’ve just met. The moment you fill like rolling your eyes when your partner says something is the best time to have them commit to it or time to speak up. A future faker is mostly emotionally unavailable or a coward deep inside and by pointing out their promises it helps them come back to reality. When your partner does not address the urgent, recurrent or glaring issues right now and only embraces the rosy future be scared. You’ll slowly internalize all these things and when you get back to earth and realize he disappeared without fulfilling his promises, it will be a long day in hell.
There are various reasons why people fake a future. There are cases where the person you meet means well. The guy likes a girl who is from a different ‘class’ or someone he thinks he’ll never have in this lifetime. He’ll do all he can to have this girl even if it means bending the truth and making extra ordinary assumptions and promises. When this girl falls for him he realizes that he can’t deliver whatever he promised. So he will go with flow for sometime and lie some more. Then he realizes he’s trapped himself but since he’s scared to hurt his girl with word, he disappears or finds a way to break up with him. There are the habitual players who string you along with a promise of marriage, a baby, a mansion or a visit to the coast without a care in the world. Only for Mr. Perfect to disappear when he’s done eating his pie.
When you’ve been caught in a future fakers embrace, my heart goes out to you. The endless questions and the feeling of inadequacy is overwhelming. There comes a time when you have to rise up and accept the fact that you’re only human. You’re bound to make a poor judgment in character, be carried away by word and ignore the actions and the lack of action there of. It’s not easy
Getting over a future faker is very hard. Cleaning the closet is always crazy. You spend so much time blaming yourself for chasing away a perfect guy because you believe he would have made it happen that you forget your needs and values. This is the time analyse whether you have questionable habits or vices. Rushing through relationships can be tempting but it has a price. Overlooking someone’s glaring vices for the sake of short term gratification is a common problem. But when you’re sick and tired of being a door mat and realize you deserve better it’s better to take time and make friends. So is enjoying each and every moment in a relationship without following a checklist of do’s and donts.
When your ex shows up with a promise of being a better or changed person. Be very cautious. This is the biggest con. Before getting back with your ex deal with the cause of your break up and analyse any what your ex has done recently that has led to the change.
When you realize you’re stuck with a future faker, reward and punish accordingly. Encourage accountability in all they say. Let them commit to something and follow up. When they intentionally fail to walk the talk punish them so that they realize there are consequences for bad behaviour.
Share your stories with your friends and family. When they laugh or go suddenly quiet, ask what they think. By surrounding yourself with people who care for you you’re able to understand what it means to follow through with promises, you are confident that you’re not an island which usually makes someone cling onto the wrong relationship and also helps you compare experiences and make proper judgment.
You cannot avoid future fakers. To some level we are future fakers. We make promises we now very well we will not fulfill. We promise to take the medicine or change our diets and forget all about it, we make dates and never show up, we have dated someone as a rebound, we have hang onto someone for money. So don’t be so fast to judge. The best thing to do is follow your instinct and know when to walk away when the promises have piled up and you feel disrespected.